Rebuilding

I no longer look for you

in the people that I meet,

or trudge through memory lane

with bare tendered feet.

I no longer seek answers

in the chaos or confusion, 

or believe you to be anything 

but my own beautiful illusion.

I no longer need to fill this space

with weighted wishes or hopes,

for dreams that are held hostage 

morph into slippery slopes.

I no longer feel it’s either of our fault 

that our safeties turned to dangers.

We became what we always were,

and slipped silently back to strangers. 

I no longer look for you

in the people that I meet,

because I found myself instead 

amongst the rubble and defeat.

Imposter

I’m told my sparkle is returning. 

and I guess that’s a good sign,

I didn’t realize it was even missing.

I didn’t realize it was even mine.

As I stand in motion

on my comforting carousel,

it provides me with safety, 

like a shelter in hell. 

A magnificent revolving platform 

with porcelain ponies grown weary,

from this never ending firestorm 

that may always be a part of me.

A circulating prison,

with a stage that creaks and moans,

as if it too has a deep aching 

residing within its bones. 

Sifting through the lost and found

of all the faces that I’ve known,

would I even recognize

the ones that I’ve outgrown?

Which one is the imposter

and which one is me,

or am I simply both the offender

and offendee? 

Like the porcelain ponies,

I long to be free

from this pretty prison

that became my identity. 

I’m told I look like my old self again 

and I guess that’s a good sign,

I didn’t realize it was even missing.

I didn’t realize it was even mine.

Spooky, Scary, Skeletons

Halloween is nostalgic for me

not because of the costume play,

the late night candy spree,

or the way the pumpkins smiled, 

but in the way I could portray

or even pretend to be a child. 

I find it ironic

that this day didn’t bring about fear,

and perhaps it’s a bit too symbolic 

that it was the only time of year

where others hid behind a mask. 

I blended and blurred, beautifully,

but didn’t dare think to ask,

whether it hid the scariest parts of me.

Elusive Echoes

Attachments are wishes 

that may never come true. 

It’s the longing for love 

in the very absence of you. 

Like wishing on a star 

that stopped burning years ago. 

I think to the timelines of kindred spirits 

stuck in this eerie echo,

As if mapping the heavens 

was ever a reliable recourse,
I wonder, how many collective wishes 

were wasted on a corpse.

As Steady As The Seasons

When the blooms emerge

from their frozen slumber,

and the sky cracks open 

with rainstorms and thunder.

When the pansies perish 

and the sunflowers rise,

and the sweet fragrance 

of honeysuckle fill the skies.

When the trees drip shades

of crimson and gold,

and blanket the landscape 

to prepare for the cold.

When the Earth is frozen in place

and the snow begins to fall,

while covering any trace

that it was ever inhabited at all.

My thoughts will drift to you, 

for no rhyme or reason,

With each passing day

of every passing season.